spokesperson

Rabbits

2009-11-11T22:44:55+01:00

I put up a rabbit proof fence today to protect some particularly precious roses and shrubs.

But I bet the buggers are even now evolving into pole vaulters.
While I'm sitting here tinkering with my Macbook, they're out there, plotting ...

Not that I'm getting paranoid about them.

No way!

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Silence

2009-11-11T18:22:24+01:00

I wonder if two minutes silence every day is not a bad thing.
There's something about the atmosphere it creates, and the stillness is very beneficial.
The reason for the silence each year on this day is compelling, but I do think it would be good practice for all of us to have a few moments of private thought - particularly because the world is so crazy.
You hear so many people saying, I never get time to think!

Two minutes silence as part of a coffee break ... I wonder how popular that idea would be?

I can think of several people where I work who would find staying quiet for ten seconds a major challenge!

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Diary

2009-11-11T13:49:34+01:00

My diary is filling up, and for once, I don't mind.
I'm in a busy, social type mood.
I have these phases.
Sometimes I only want to be quiet, but that's maybe only to give me the energy I need to get out there.
So the weeks leading up to Christmas are fairly full, and I have cleverly (he said modestly) put big crosses against the first week of January so I can start the New Year chilled out.

I sometimes wish I was a non-stop party animal, but I never have been, and anyway, I prefer being myself.
It's much healthier!

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Rest in peace

2009-11-10T13:29:13+01:00

A Brazilian bricklayer turned up at his own funeral, sources tell me. His family thought he had been killed in a car crash, but he surprised them by arriving at the funeral just in time before they buried someone else.
A spokesperson said: "I only wish someone would invent Tippex for gravestones."

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Bad start turning positive

2009-11-10T10:03:07+01:00

The pathetic whining noise of a reluctant engine, the grey damp morning air, the clock counting down to the start of work ...
and yes, my bike wouldn't start this morning.
But because I live in a remote area, it would take forever to get to work, so I am working from home today.
Not blogging.
Working.
Not drinking coffee or making another round of toast.
Working.

In perfect peace, with my dog at my feet.

This could just turn out to be rather a fantastic day!

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Apple blight

2009-11-09T19:50:30+01:00

So, the Apple iPhone is under attack from its first ever virus.
An Apple spokesperson (that's me) said:

"There's no need to panic. We are opening Apple hospitals all over the world, where all the staff wear white, all the patients have to wear white, and if anyone bleeds, we throw them out. We advise customers to dress nicely and bring their iPhones (suitably dressed in cases supplied by us on the Apple Store - only £35, or 25 dollars) to the accident and emergency department."

So that's all sorted then.

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Chaos

2009-11-09T11:46:01+01:00

Is it just me or is the world in a state of permanent chaos? People just don't seem able or willing to communicate about the most basic things - unless it's coffee and biscuits, of course!

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Foodinnuendo

2009-11-08T17:18:40+01:00

One of the most blatantly sexual advertising promotions was the legendary Cadburys Flake ad on tv.
They managed to put the sex into chocolate, but they haven't quite managed it with fruit and veg, have they?

A spokesperson for the fruit and veg industry announced a new advertising campaign...
"Two satsumas and a cucumber respond when a scantily clad girl walks past slobbering over a banana."
Well, that's enough of that, I think.

I don't think this will catch on, but if everyone is so keen on us all having five a day (or is that another foodinnuendo) perhaps it's time for advertising with imagination, if not sex appeal!

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Clear out

2009-11-08T12:03:52+01:00

I feel the need for a clear-out of possessions.
I look round and see objects, clothes, gadgets, that I just don't need or use.
And Christmas usually means the acquisition or compulsory receipt of more of the same, sadly.

If I'm honest, I could then probably rip out most of the cupboards, and still have more than enough to get by.

It's not that I'm even a hoarder. But how I ended up with so many shirts, I will never know!

Call it an early, or late, spring clean.

But on this grey Sunday, a bit of feng shui is called for. I seem to remember one of its principles is that you should not leave shoes or slippers lying around near the main door of the house, so I'll start there.

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Big Lottery win

2009-11-07T17:57:22+01:00

Two British people have won £45 million pounds each on the EuroMillions lottery.

A spokesperson (that's me) said: "We are all looking forward to being really friendly with them, and the money is completely irrelevant. They plan to spend their money on sweets and chocolates. And a holiday in Morecambe. So there should be plenty left over for hangers-on
their new friends."

They won so much money that EuroMillions has now been renamed EuroPence.

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Time for a rest

2009-11-07T16:13:13+01:00

I smell of bonfire.
My shoulders are aching.
My face is dirty.

But I've cleared a load of space on the hillside and I've had great lungfuls of cold fresh air.Now I need a hot shower, a mug of tea, a hunk of cake, and an hour with a book before it's time to walk the dog.

A spokesperson said: 'Hope you are having a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend!'

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Beyonce

2009-11-06T18:56:45+01:00

Religious leaders in Egypt have branded Beyonce's show, which opens her world tour there tonight, as nothing more than an 'insolent sex show'.
Spokesperson (that's me) said: 'I only paid them ten dollars each to say that, and they've been more than willing to help me sell tickets.'

And just to prove how wrong they are, here is a picture of Beyonce warming up for her Girl Guides benefit concert...

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Old age crime

2009-11-06T14:05:45+01:00

Avon and Somerset Police detained suspects aged over 70 for offences including loan sharking, possessing an automatic weapon and conspiracy to murder.

Information released under the Freedom of Information Act shows the force arrested 200 men and 23 women in 2007 and 2008.

A 99-year-old was the oldest person to be held, for an allegation of house burglary and theft, without violence, while a 92-year-old was also arrested for giving a positive breath test.

A 71-year-old woman was arrested for conspiracy to murder, and an 80-year-old woman on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm.

Spokesperson (that's me) said: "No-one can accuse us of age discrimination, can they?'

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Good days

2009-11-06T11:27:25+01:00

There are days when everything seems to go just right.
Today is one of those, I think.
I felt positive and energetic when I woke up, and I feel motivated to get on with things.
It might be the two measures of Bushmills I had last night, but more likely the strength and fitness that is building up from my hard work on the land.
There was a tv programme called the 'good life' - I think I'm living it now, and it feels ... well, good!

Hope you have a good day, too.

And now, to work!

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News

2009-11-05T22:42:32+01:00

I'm living more of a fresh air life, and loving it.
The combination of hard physical work and ice cold autumn air is just fantastic, and the perfect antedote to the slog of desk work.

I'm even beginning to form broad shoulders, which might mean a trip to the shops soon to get some shirts that fit.

I feel fit and healthy.

And determined to give blogging a proper try out after a long time away.

As long as i can blog out of doors, of course!

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Walking through mist

2009-04-03T10:40:13+02:00

Today is grey and misty, like all the colour has been sucked out.
Taking dog for a walk felt a bit like being an extra in one of those Dracula movies.
The trees were blurry shapes and the air was so still you could hear cracking and creaking from the woods.

But I feel sunny inside, so that's what really matters.

Hope you are too.

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Wondering again

2009-03-30T20:43:08+02:00

I was just wondering whether it is generally true that women are more sensitive than men.

I think it probably is but men are experts at hiding their feelings, usually, so how would we ever know?

Maybe it is just that men daren't admit it.
And that women feel like they're letting the side down if they are not sensitive.

Maybe boys have all that stuff suppressed at school - who wants to be called a sissy?!

If I was looking for a purpose for this blog, maybe expressing sensitivity on behalf of blokes everywhere might be a good one.

I'll think about it!

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KFC

2009-03-30T20:20:23+02:00

KFC stands for Komplete F*+^ ing Crap!
It was my only option tonight after work. I had about half an hour before I had to get to a place for a meeting at 6.30 and the KFC place was the only one within a short walk which I knew could serve me quickly to stave off my hunger till later .
But what a price I paid! It is such cack.
So as you may have guessed, I probably won't be going there again.
think I'll just have to starve next time.
Did I just get them on a bad day, or do you think they are rubbish too?

(Sorry Colonel.)

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Decisions

2009-03-28T19:07:14+01:00

I'm wondering about letting my hair grow quite long.
I've always had this really neat hair cut, so that most people think I am a smart guy,
and old ladies say what a gentleman I am, that sort of thing.

Now if I could, I would probably say yes to a complete makeover.

I think I need to be more grungey.

Tough decisions to be made, as you can imagine!

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travel

2009-03-26T21:47:20+01:00

I've never lost that feeling of excitement you get from travelling.
I'm so sad I still love getting on a train, even if it's only a short trip.

Travel is great for its own sake, but this feeling might go back to the time when I was on a train and got really close to a gorgeous girl who I went out with for a long time.
Maybe I'm conditioned to thinking that will happen each time ...

The reality is usually that, like the joke, the nutter (all due respect) sits next to me, or behind me.

But it doesn't stop me wondering, and anticipating.

One day, I'd love to cross Europe by train.
Just me, my iPod, a rucksack, and lots of cash.

Wow - what a thought. I'd better start packing!

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Tonight

2009-03-25T23:39:42+01:00

I really fancy a beer tonight after a long, hard day.
But the fridge is empty and the shops are shut.

How cruel is that?
I may be forced to chew a few wine gums.

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Wondering

2009-03-24T20:22:28+01:00

I sometimes find myself wondering - should i live a different life?
Am I just too loyal and sensitive and should I be tougher.

It takes bravery to make changes, and you need to be motivated strongly enough to do it.

I am, of course, talking about relationships - isn't everyone?!

Is it better for us to try to suppress the way we feel to avoid anything unpleasant, or does this just deprive us of the better life we seek?

I'm not expecting any answers, by the way!

But it is good to think/write aloud in what I hope is safety ...

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First steps

2009-03-23T23:41:54+01:00

Not really sure why I'm here.
I think I have something to say, to get off my chest.

I'll take my time over it.

It feels like a good place to bare my soul, but that sounds very heavy.

But if I can't be honest here, where can I be?

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