spokesperson

I put up a rabbit proof fence today to protect some particularly precious roses and shrubs.

But I bet the buggers are even now evolving into pole vaulters.
While I'm sitting here tinkering with my Macbook, they're out there, plotting ...

Not that I'm getting paranoid about them.

No way!

I wonder if two minutes silence every day is not a bad thing.
There's something about the atmosphere it creates, and the stillness is very beneficial.
The reason for the silence each year on this day is compelling, but I do think it would be good practice for all of us to have a few moments of private thought - particularly because the world is so crazy.
You hear so many people saying, I never get time to think!

Two minutes silence as part of a coffee break ... I wonder how popular that idea would be?

I can think of several people where I work who would find staying quiet for ten seconds a major challenge!

My diary is filling up, and for once, I don't mind.
I'm in a busy, social type mood.
I have these phases.
Sometimes I only want to be quiet, but that's maybe only to give me the energy I need to get out there.
So the weeks leading up to Christmas are fairly full, and I have cleverly (he said modestly) put big crosses against the first week of January so I can start the New Year chilled out.

I sometimes wish I was a non-stop party animal, but I never have been, and anyway, I prefer being myself.
It's much healthier!

A Brazilian bricklayer turned up at his own funeral, sources tell me.  His family thought he had been killed in a car crash, but he surprised them by arriving at the funeral just in time before they buried someone else.
A spokesperson said: "I only wish someone would invent Tippex for gravestones."

The pathetic whining noise of a reluctant engine, the grey damp morning air, the clock counting down to the start of work ...
and yes, my bike wouldn't start this morning.
But because I live in a remote area, it would take forever to get to work, so I am working from home today.
Not blogging.
Working.
Not drinking coffee or making another round of toast.
Working.

In perfect peace, with my dog at my feet.

This could just turn out to be rather a fantastic day!

So, the Apple iPhone is under attack from its first ever virus.
An Apple spokesperson (that's me) said:

"There's no need to panic.  We are opening Apple hospitals all over the world, where all the staff wear white, all the patients have to wear white, and if anyone bleeds, we throw them out.  We advise customers to dress nicely and bring their iPhones (suitably dressed in cases supplied by us on the Apple Store - only £35, or 25 dollars) to the accident and emergency department."

So that's all sorted then.

Is it just me or is the world in a state of permanent chaos? People just don't seem able or willing to communicate about the most basic things - unless it's coffee and biscuits, of course!

One of the most blatantly sexual advertising promotions was the legendary Cadburys Flake ad on tv.
They managed to put the sex into chocolate, but they haven't quite managed it with fruit and veg, have they?

A spokesperson for the fruit and veg industry announced a new advertising campaign...
"Two satsumas and a cucumber respond when a scantily clad girl walks past slobbering over a banana."
Well, that's enough of that, I think.

I don't think this will catch on, but if everyone is so keen on us all having five a day (or is that another foodinnuendo) perhaps it's time for advertising with imagination, if not sex appeal!

I feel the need for a clear-out of possessions.
I look round and see objects, clothes, gadgets, that I just don't need or use.
And Christmas usually means the acquisition or compulsory receipt of more of the same, sadly.

If I'm honest, I could then probably rip out most of the cupboards, and still have more than enough to get by.

It's not that I'm even a hoarder.  But how I ended up with so many shirts, I will never know!

Call it an early, or late, spring clean.

But on this grey Sunday, a bit of feng shui is called for.  I seem to remember one of its principles is that you should not leave shoes or slippers lying around near the main door of the house, so I'll start there.

Two British people have won £45 million pounds each on the EuroMillions lottery.

A spokesperson (that's me) said: "We are all looking forward to being really friendly with them, and the money is completely irrelevant. They plan to spend their money on sweets and chocolates. And a holiday in Morecambe. So there should be plenty left over for hangers-on
their new friends."

They won so much money that EuroMillions has now been renamed EuroPence.